Portland City Art » Politics

Orin Starr, Citizens Ashamed of The Nest

Hot Shit — Wed, 18 May 2011 08:08:43 +0000

Local activist and Lesbian swinger Orin Starr leading a group of anti-rude bingo night protesters outside of "The Nest" a bar in Portland, Oregon

When most people think of bars in Portland Oregon good times and good beer come to mind. Even The Nest, Alberta street’s hot-spot for local well dressed liberals such as Orin Starr has been known for it’s comfortable atmosphere, cheap beer, and loud music set against a backdrop of fine rotating artwork curated by local celebrity Chris Haberman. What happens, though, when a local hangout, once a meeting point for well-cologned, high-class hipsters goes south? It becomes a Mecca for disgusting, disturbing, delusional, racist, sexist, classist and homophobic outcries of slander and distaste masked by the power of the First Amendment.

On Sunday May 8th, 2011 Orin Starr entered The Nest like he does every other day of the week, hopped up on anti-depressents and exhausted after a long hard day of customer service at a local Co-Op. What did he want? He wanted what every other person in the bar wanted that night: a beer and an atmosphere that allowed him the opportunity to peep some fresh female clam as they say. What did he get, you ask? A first hand lesson in freedom of speech! Quietly enjoying his drink, Orin and his wingman for the night couldn’t help but notice it was Bingo Night, but what they failed to recognize was the well-posted and immediately visible signs stating “Sunday night at The Nest is we get to say what ever the fuck we want bingo night”. That’s right, readers, it was Rude Bingo Night.

After listening to the guy at the microphone berate gentle folks waiting for the bathroom with malicious slanderous comments, Orin turned to his wingman (a person who intelligently chooses to remain anonymous) and says, “Fuck this piece of shit with his whole I have a beard and balls attitude, I’m gonna fuck his shit up!” Orin’s wingman, Christianly as a kitten’s vagina, chose to turn the other cheek and ignore the barrage of bingo inspired insults, and quietly sipped his or her beer. Orin, however, could not just sit by while the ears of decent folks everywhere were subjected to such harsh and vile abuse, and cried out, “Hey dumb fuckin’ dick for brains! This is Portland! We don’t hurt people’s feelings here you fucking piece of shit!”

Unfortunately Orin had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Being that he had completely ignored the well-posted signs describing the event of the evening in clear and vivid detail, the man-bear at the microphone took this as someone wanting to play along with the evening’s festivities, and really gave Orin a piece of his mind…. (Here at PortlandCityArt.com we strive ourselves to bring you up to date slanderous bullshit without censorship ,but the words exchanged in that moment at the bar were so degrading and shameful that even WE couldn’t stomach printing them in this article…….) Once the extended exchange of poetic hate had come down from its’ inevitable climax, Orin turned to the bartender to complain. The bartender ,though, had only this to say: “Bitch, put a dick in it!”

Disgusted by the entire situation and distraught by the not so sensitive energy at the bar, Orin fell victim to the violence and unleashed a flurry of ice cubes in the direction of Mr. Rude Bingo. A fist fight soon broke out, bottles were smashed, Starr’s friend was dragged from the bar by his or her front-facing ponytail and Orin, well… he was later found bloodied and hunching over in the alley like a lump of used dog shit (as opposed to brand new dog shit, straight from the ass).

Customers at the bar refused to comment on the situation, and even Portland’s finest were not able to get a statement regarding the scene of events that unfolded that evening. Was Orin Starr an unsuspecting victim of a hate crime or just a mild mannered customer pushed to the edge of violent rage by a tasteless lower then human life form holding the mic that night? Is this what our fair city is coming to? Bars that once housed the meek and sensitive now playgrounds for dirty mouthed trash talkers with a taste for violence against she-men? Is the first amendment really that important? Did Portland lose its sense of humor? Did it ever HAVE a sense of humor? Whatever the reason, whatever the justification, Portland has failed in the eyes of its’ citizens, and The Nest is the thorn that continues to break the CIty of Rose’s back.

Portland City Art (.org) CONCEDES

robot — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:39:35 +0000

In what will go down as one of the longest and ugliest battles the Art Scene has ever known, John Graeter of Portland City Art (.org) has made it official tonight: his non-profit group is throwing in the towel. Portland City Art (.com) is victorious. Before we get to the festivities (which have been going full force since late Saturday evening when Graeter placed a phone call to our offices to privately concede), here is the official, unedited and unabbreviated concession speech directly from the losing camp’s headquarters.

Andrea "Ray" Boyle and John Graeter delivering the official Portland City Art (.org) concession speech.

Dear Artists, Art Patrons and Portland City Art supporters,

I have important news to share about Portland City Art [.org].

As many of you know, Portland City Art [.org] was officially started when founder Chris Haberman and myself joined forces in May of 2009. We began with modest resources, ambitious goals and a creative vision to bring Portland artists and the art community together in alternative venues that presented a refreshed, compelling and engaging environment for patrons and the greater public to experience and appreciate art. Our first large show, The Manor of Art, was a huge success by all accounts, and in retrospect, a voracious inaugural accomplishment and compelling representation for the creative vision both Chris and I had dreamed for Portland City Art [.org]. Amazed, inspired, bewildered (and exhausted) from the subsequent momentum that the Manor produced, Chris and I set forth a path for the upcoming year that proved to be equally as ambitious.

Joining forces with Administrative Director Andrea “Ray” Boyle in October 2009, and with the steadfast support of the city, our artists, our volunteers, community members and patrons, Portland City Art [.org] went on to produce and present several large community art events including: The Big 100 (with Jason Brown), The Love Show (with Ben Pink), Works IV, A Rainy Day Wildfire and the most recent PDX Bridge Festival Gallery Tour. During this time and since May of 2009, Portland City Art [.org] also continued to present and showcase local emerging and established artists in our monthly art shows at Olympic Mills Commerce Center, Eastbank Commerce Center, Water Ave Corridor Gallery, The Nest Lounge, The Limelight, Slinde & Nelson Lawfirm, Rumblefish Music, Accanto Restaurant and three spaces at Pioneer Place Mall. Since May of 2009, we are proud to have presented the work of over 800 Portland artists at each of these alternative venues!

Since February of 2010, upon Chris Haberman’s departure to pursue his own art career, the Portland City Art [.org] team has consisted of: myself as Creative and Executive Director, Ray as Administrative Director, hard-working volunteers, and the generous and notable assistance of art admin super-stars Dianna Fontes and Elizabeth Lamb. Still, many people asked us at our shows, “how many people does it take to produce all this work?,” and “how do you accomplish all this every month?” and “how do you sustain the operation of these huge events?” These valid questions, though vexing to answer in with any succinct one-liner, are ones that I have often asked myself the past year and half. There is no escaping the reality that the past year and half has been a tremendous personal investment and sacrifice for both myself, for Andrea, and all of our volunteers. As you can probably deduce, the amount of work and funds to sustain a monthly operation like Portland City Art [.org] is a particularly challenging accomplishment for a team of essentially two people.

This being said, I am sad to say that Portland City Art [.org] can no longer afford to continue our services and business operations, in the current format, after September. Though our events, art shows and mission has the proud vocal support of our Mayor, our commissioners and city, our artists, patrons, business partners and community members, we cannot sustain ourselves on only applause, praise and positive feedback. We face the reality of our production, employment and material costs which collectively constitute an enormous responsibility that can longer be financed or creatively alleviated.

Starting in October, I will personally continue to curate two of our venues, Slinde & Nelson and Accanto Restaurant under the name Graeter Art Rep. Portland City Art [.org] will officially be dissolved, and we will halt production of all events and art shows at our other venues. Please contact me at: j.graeter@gmail.com, if you have questions concerning any of the above.

I’d like to personally thank the hard work of our staff, our generous volunteers, our art patrons and supporters and especially my good friend, business partner and original founder of Portland City Art [.org], Chris Haberman. Last but certainly not least, I would like to once more thank the continued support of our tremendous local artists, to each of who has been an honor to work with, and to each who comprise the essence of Portland City Art [.org]’s vibrant mission. It has been an honor to work with you all, and I look forward to supporting your work for years to come.

Sincerely,

John Graeter

Creative Director, Co-founder

Portland City Art [.org]

John Graeter: Terrifying Photos Reveal Native Portland Legend Behind Art Scene Conspiracy

primary-source — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:00:07 +0000

Portland Artists are in an UPROAR after a late night photographic unveiling of local artist John Graeter, aka the Man of Many Faces, and his alternate personas.

Several witnesses and Portland city officials were shocked when creative director for the well respected nonprofit organization Portland City Art (.org) was photographed in public with his alleged twin brother Twinky Simmins Graeter, a known fugitive and Anarchist of the Arts. Though John has been suspected for remaining in close contact with Twinky over the last few years no one in the art community has had solid evidence that the two were in cahoots until now.

What does this mean for Portland City Art, and the artists that it represents? The community website and resource arena was established to connect local creatives with arenas and audiences for their work in several venues within the Portland area, and the news that the newly christened figurehead is conspiring with Dirt Wing Extremists to undermine the efforts of his organization, and in fact, disconnect creatives and their audiences, has many reeling in disbelief.

Chris Haberman, former creative director and founder of Portland City Art (.org), was not available for questioning, but his sudden separation from the very organization he started has sparked rumors for weeks. When confronted with photographs and other proof of this deep rooted conspiracy, which may or may not extend all the way to City Hall, Portland City Art (.org) affiliated venues and their owners are beginning to question whether water is, in fact, wet. Artists stood by John, dismissing Chris Haberman’s choice to move on from the nonprofit as a personal one involving dysfunctional eating habits and questionable family distractions. According to local sources Chris was literally eating himself out of house and home, and food stamps, a steady welfare check, and a ring of midget “milk feeders”, was not enough to sustain his lifestyle, and well, it was time for this non-profiteer to focus on making some real money. Some “boo coo bucks”.

Charlie Alan Kraft, a once binding thread in the fabric of the Portland art scene, had this to say: “Man, I think I need a bra. These beers are weighing me down topside.”

John Graeter, a long time supporter of the arts and painter himself, was well known for cracking jokes after a few martinis about his uncanny resemblance to his brother while stroking his beard singing “I’m gonna grow this bitch ass hair, I’m gonna grow it, Boom! Boom! Boom! Curly, curly, cocoa mon.” John’s art touched many people here in Portland as well as….? Well, here in Portland, for sure. The Rose City’s art scene is literally torn in half today with one side mourning their betrayal at the hands of our city’s greatest scribbler (John Graeter likes to scribble), while another half clenches their ass cheeks in rage over the deceit and lies spread through this wonderful community. How that tears them in half, this writer has no idea. It actually sounds like they are on the same page, but that’s Portland for you.

Questions do remain, however, will Graeter continue to pursue art here in Portland? Will Twinky Graeter disappear again leaving us all in fear for our lives? Will John end his charade of lies and hang up his secret identities? With all the secrets out, his “twin brother” Twinky, his well groomed man of daylight disguise Ships Donavon (who was recently found prowling local middle schools enlisting children for his art in residence programs), the entire cast of characters that can all be traced back to one megalomaniac man in the moon mirror, John Graeter, what will come of the artists that rely on his organization for strategic wall placement? Only time will tell. As more details come in, we here at Portland City Art (.com) are committed to bringing you the latest, the Graetest, and all the news in between. At least until the cease and desist letters from the Mayor’s bloodhounds actually hold up in court, or Chris Haberman finds a hitman in our fair city willing to work for Cheese Puffs to take us down. Until then, fair citizens, rest easy and keep your eye out for creepy bearded guys with glasses made to see right through you. It just might be John Graeter, aka The Real Life Riddler.

Blockbuster Artist Trade Finalized! Elliott Sends Kraft to Haberman in Exchange for a Sincere Compliment

OFFICIAL REPORT — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:58:45 +0000

The Portland art scene was rudely awakened from a Pabst Blue Ribbon induced slumber early this morning by a shocking development that has insiders scratching their heads in disbelief: Steve Elliott has traded Charlie Alan Kraft to Chris Haberman in exchange for one sincere compliment. The Bad News Bears are no more.

Inspired by the recent Philadelphia Eagles trade of superstar quarterback Donovan McNabb to the Washington Redskins for a draft pick, Elliott felt it was time for a change as well.

“That Eagles trade was like the writing on the wall for me. If they can send a guy who is arguably 100% responsible for their long run of success to a hated, bitter rival, well, why not send Charlie over to Chris? I wouldn’t say he has been a good friend, or even that he will be missed, but he has been a great guy to brainstorm with, bounce ideas off of…

“Nah, really we just hung around on barstools burning through our unemployment checks together. He’s played a huge part in the non-success of Portland City Art (.com), and it won’t be the same without him, for sure. No matter how bad you fuck things up, you can’t help but feel good about yourself when he’s around. Still, though, as the Eagles demonstrated, sometimes you just have to shake things up and start over. I think he will do more harm than good for Haberman, in the long run, and by the end of the year I think you will see that it was a pretty smart fuckin’ move. Who else can say they’ve received a sincere compliment from Habe?”

Charlie Alan Kraft, a founding member of Portland City Art (.com), issued the following statement:

“You know, Steve is a smart guy and everything, and he bought me a lot of beers in the past few years, but I gotta admit, I’m looking forward to getting out of this whole false negativity thing, and getting back to Haberman’s brand of false positivity. I mean, it’s all bullshit right? Might as well make it sound good. Not to mention, there is always plenty of food to go around with Chris. The only time Steve ever fed me, I was sick with food poisoning for a week.”

Chris Haberman, founder of Portland City Art (.org), was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing, but a key insider from Team Haberman (who asked to remain anonymous) filled us in on the biggest mystery of all: What was the compliment that Elliott received in exchange for Kraft?

“Chris told Steve straight up that he really liked the way he wore slacks. There was direct eye contact, it was for real.”

So how will this trade shape the Portland art scene in the coming months? Will Haberman and Kraft be able to put the last few years of venomous animosity behind them and break bean burritos together? Will Elliott be able to find a new conspirator crazy enough to help him realize his plans of working without doing any work, and/or pissing everyone off? Only time will tell, but for now, keep your browser tuned to Portland City Art (.com) for all the latest, greatest, and most heinous happenings in the world of Portland art.

Man About Town: Alberta Street Controversy

Tan Peluski — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:36:01 +0000

Dottie Barksdale has been keeping parking spots safe and generating revenue for the city since 1972.

Good riddance, and a big thank you to Tan Peluski for letting me write his column. He has been ill, but sends his best. Important things await me this evening. Dinner with Vera Katz followed by a waxing and if we’re lucky a little horseback. Ha, I just realized that later tonight I’m going to be “Running down a dream” literally! Sex on the Titties.

Anyhow, for those of you who are not familiar with my public record, I am Dottie Barksdale, and here is a timeline of events which are all important to note when addressing the controversy surrounding Last Thursday on Alberta Street.

01/01/2010
I was appointed Director of the grassroots organization
Alberta Street Residents Against Last Thursday (ASRALT)
whose mission statement is the same as its’ name.
01/02/2010
I addressed representatives of ASRALT and announced
my choice of focus for the organization: parking meters.
01/05/2010
I caught a lucky break on craigslist.
A gentleman by the name of Mr. Spice was selling
a truck full of parking meters at a flat cost of $5000.
With money from petty cash, I drove to meet
Mr. Spice and traded the cash for keys to the truck.
01/07/2010
Me and a bunch of volunteers from ASRALT went around putting
the parking meters up on Alberta Street. Since we’re not an official organization,
or representatives of the government, we were able to do so with no signage.
01/07/2010
I gave out my first parking ticket to a smelly guy playing a guitar.
I explained to him that if he wanted to park himself or anything else
on my Alberta Street, he was going to have to keep feeding the nearest meter.
He acted like this was an outrage, and the crowd started to get behind him,
but then I pointed out all the change in his guitar case. What a selfish prick.
01/28/2010
Last Thursday. Most people had accepted the meters by now,
but there was still a little grumbling about it. Especially in the “arts community”.
Anyone that found themselves on Alberta Street quickly found out how things worked.
You either keep moving, or you pay the nearest meter to park. Anybody that didn’t
pay to park got a ticket. Sure people were pissed off at first, but once they realized that
the tickets were not real, most were so grateful to have dodged a parking ticket,
they gladly started feeding the meters. Money was beginning to flow.
01/29/2010
The next day we unloaded the parking meters.
I personally counted every nickel: $807,000 and change !!!
We couriered a check to the Mayor, a donation to the city,
along with a note about how much we would appreciate
an end to Last Thursdays on Alberta.

Artists, art lovers, and art community supporters, give me your ears. Last Thursdays on Alberta Street are over. You’re welcome to show up and keep feeding my meters, but there will be no more public displays of affection. There will be no more public displays of intoxication. There will be no more public displays of people being weird. Nobody likes weird, not even in Portland. So just stop it already. I suggest you move it along to the Up-and-Coming Gallery, where up-and-coming artists can display their work if they are skillful enough to beat Up and Coming owner at Asteroids. That would seem to be a better use of your quarters, but like I said, if you want to give them to me I will offer no complaint. I will give them to the Mayor, he will give them to the city, and the city will give them back to you in the form of police protection making sure that weirdness never shows its face again on Alberta Street. In other words, making it a better place.

Artists, art lovers, and art community supporters (i.e. white people with college degrees and no money) the city is grateful to you for doing your part in chasing off the people who were there before, but it is now time for you to get with the program. You are beginning to be a headache, even to teenagers. You are the broom, and you did a good job sweeping, but now it is time for tax-paying citizens like myself to enjoy the clean, swept floor. So off you go, I hear your services would be appreciated in Gresham, and perhaps further out in the other directions as well. Like my boyhood crush, Tom Petty, would say: “Don’t come around here no more.”

~ Dottie Barksdale

“The Peluski Position”

Tan Peluski — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 07:52:11 +0000

Tan Peluski digs deep into the underbelly of Portland's Art Scene to bring you the latest dirt as often as his doctor allows.

Oh seriously another Peluski position! This is as awesome as my ex wife actualy removing here dentures before giving me a blow job, oh seriously she’s never doen that but an old man can dream and seriously I have. We all Tan here ” Man About Town has been around town and I can’t walk well so let’s put the daisies aside cause this isn’t going to be a Johnny Cash piece and picking daises? I’ve doen that beofre I just can’t tell you from waht ex wive’s vagina they came from. See won’t don’t slander here at Portlandcity art. com we simply full fill dreams, dreams that only old men like me left without the possibility of drinking Whiskey again ( Any word on that pill yet!) So let’s get to todays topic………. It’s something I know lot’s about…. Yeah

Polyamory Dating!!!!!!

Seriously I love this…………… Have you tried it? You should… I like to get wet, watch my partner get wetter then get someone else wet when she’s not around…. Wow didn’t some place tunr to salt in the bible because of this… Simply proof God was a jealous bastard. He must have been ” Like hey, stop that! and no one listened cause well he couldn’t really speak excpet through that bush caught on fire when that guy moses was lighten up some weed or something. Maybe he just need soem romanctic candle light and that sparked God’s attenttion so God said ” Fuck I gotta say soemthing… Well he did say soemthign to all those hot sweaty, sexy, uninhibited people of Sodom and Gamorah. Seriously! Poor folk they were, drinking and blowing loads all overdoesn’t Ron jeremy run a place like that here in Portland? I heard one of the floors is a ll covered in plastic, boy would I need that especially after my dialyisis. Well why say to one pait of boobbies when you can have a dozen and I’m not sying you’d wanna stick soemthing up my rear end but in the heat of the momentI can’t imagine complaining especially while I’m watching soem hot young swinger chick make out with like 15 guys!!!!!!!! So pornos oare out Polyamory is in!!!! Go multiple partners all at once it’s like the dance scene in the matrix…

THE PELUSKI POSITION

Tan Peluski — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:05:16 +0000

Tan Peluski digs deep into the underbelly of Portland's Art Scene to bring you the latest dirt as often as his doctor allows.

Todays Topic:

“John Graeter’s Artwork”

Tan:

Seriously, awesome! When I had was drinking I realized all those little line you John paints over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again actually say “I love you Tan you’re butt cheeks are as smooth as a babies bottom.” A babies bottom! Seriously John, really now you touch babies bottoms. That’s a bit beyond what I would do if I drank a lot of liquor. Wow, John you’r a baby bottom toucher.. I like that though in a weird way. Do you rub them and if so is it back and forth or in a comforting circle? I would hope a comfortable cirlce… That seems like a nice thing to do.. Well John I like your art it’s like looking at a Jackson Polluck piece that scribbles little love you notes about me in it… Keep it up…..

Sincerely,

Tan.

THE PELUSKI POSITION

Tan Peluski — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 02:32:02 +0000

Tan Peluski digs deep into the underbelly of Portland's Art Scene to bring you the latest dirt as often as his doctor allows.

Todays topic: ” Testicles ”

Tan: Seriously what a great subject! Big juicy, hairy things that feel like large jelly beans hanging between the legs of men. I still have one, really but I made it huge with some “Get your only testicle huge.” pills. They work great but now I kids keep asking me to use the baseball I have stuffed in my pants at the park when they hit there’s out of the field. They ” Tan, come on can we use your baseball? Please!” Respectfully and because I am totally against telling children about my private parts I simply reply, “Sorry little Tans but this baseball was signed by Babe Ruth himself and it stays in my pants. Besides it’s a bit soiled.” At first they got excited when I mentioned Babe Ruth but the soiled part turned them off. One day a disgruntled Father of one of the children chased me off the field thinking I had stolen one of the teams baseballs. After a heated argument and my liver screaming “Stop you’re gonna die!” I pulled down my pants and in a surprising turn of events he shook my hand and requested the doctor that gave me the medication to accomplish such a tremendous display of manliness. I’m safe now, the kids stopped bothering me and now bug him for the two baseballs he keeps hiding in his pants…. So all in all Testicles are awesome, seriously, they get Tan’s double thumbs up approval.

THE PELUSKI POSITION

Tan Peluski — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:34:07 +0000

: Tan Peluski digs deep into the underbelly of Portland’s Art Scene to bring you the latest dirt as often as his doctor allows.

Todays topic: ” Homosexuality “

Tan: Seriously, poke me with a semi hard object in the you know what! Oh really now Homos are great! I love to play with my penis! Seriously I’m like a Homosexual. The only thing better then being Homosexual is being Bisexual, seriously you get some poking and you get to poke. Hey what do you get when you cross a fat guy with a fag? A Fag! Oh really now go Homosexuality it’s great!