Portland City Art » Artists

Pacific Art Collective

Hot Shit — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 18:34:09 +0000

Folks we just got news that the Pacific Art Collective from San Jose California has been operating under an assumed identity. Not only have they been secretly conspiring with the Soviet Government about a possible world wide artistic over throw but they have also been selling artwork at unbeatable low prices…. Ladies and Gentlemen we have not seen deals like this since Portland’s own Outrageous Audio started slashing prices on Car stereos and equipment. If you’re in the San Francisco area just before Christmas (and you don’t have to tell us why) then stop by the Brief Space show at the Metreon and get some work for a friend, a family member or just treat yourself to some fantastic art by artists from all over.

Don’t forget to follow on Facebook > Brief Space

Portland City Art (.org) CONCEDES

robot — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:39:35 +0000

In what will go down as one of the longest and ugliest battles the Art Scene has ever known, John Graeter of Portland City Art (.org) has made it official tonight: his non-profit group is throwing in the towel. Portland City Art (.com) is victorious. Before we get to the festivities (which have been going full force since late Saturday evening when Graeter placed a phone call to our offices to privately concede), here is the official, unedited and unabbreviated concession speech directly from the losing camp’s headquarters.

Andrea "Ray" Boyle and John Graeter delivering the official Portland City Art (.org) concession speech.

Dear Artists, Art Patrons and Portland City Art supporters,

I have important news to share about Portland City Art [.org].

As many of you know, Portland City Art [.org] was officially started when founder Chris Haberman and myself joined forces in May of 2009. We began with modest resources, ambitious goals and a creative vision to bring Portland artists and the art community together in alternative venues that presented a refreshed, compelling and engaging environment for patrons and the greater public to experience and appreciate art. Our first large show, The Manor of Art, was a huge success by all accounts, and in retrospect, a voracious inaugural accomplishment and compelling representation for the creative vision both Chris and I had dreamed for Portland City Art [.org]. Amazed, inspired, bewildered (and exhausted) from the subsequent momentum that the Manor produced, Chris and I set forth a path for the upcoming year that proved to be equally as ambitious.

Joining forces with Administrative Director Andrea “Ray” Boyle in October 2009, and with the steadfast support of the city, our artists, our volunteers, community members and patrons, Portland City Art [.org] went on to produce and present several large community art events including: The Big 100 (with Jason Brown), The Love Show (with Ben Pink), Works IV, A Rainy Day Wildfire and the most recent PDX Bridge Festival Gallery Tour. During this time and since May of 2009, Portland City Art [.org] also continued to present and showcase local emerging and established artists in our monthly art shows at Olympic Mills Commerce Center, Eastbank Commerce Center, Water Ave Corridor Gallery, The Nest Lounge, The Limelight, Slinde & Nelson Lawfirm, Rumblefish Music, Accanto Restaurant and three spaces at Pioneer Place Mall. Since May of 2009, we are proud to have presented the work of over 800 Portland artists at each of these alternative venues!

Since February of 2010, upon Chris Haberman’s departure to pursue his own art career, the Portland City Art [.org] team has consisted of: myself as Creative and Executive Director, Ray as Administrative Director, hard-working volunteers, and the generous and notable assistance of art admin super-stars Dianna Fontes and Elizabeth Lamb. Still, many people asked us at our shows, “how many people does it take to produce all this work?,” and “how do you accomplish all this every month?” and “how do you sustain the operation of these huge events?” These valid questions, though vexing to answer in with any succinct one-liner, are ones that I have often asked myself the past year and half. There is no escaping the reality that the past year and half has been a tremendous personal investment and sacrifice for both myself, for Andrea, and all of our volunteers. As you can probably deduce, the amount of work and funds to sustain a monthly operation like Portland City Art [.org] is a particularly challenging accomplishment for a team of essentially two people.

This being said, I am sad to say that Portland City Art [.org] can no longer afford to continue our services and business operations, in the current format, after September. Though our events, art shows and mission has the proud vocal support of our Mayor, our commissioners and city, our artists, patrons, business partners and community members, we cannot sustain ourselves on only applause, praise and positive feedback. We face the reality of our production, employment and material costs which collectively constitute an enormous responsibility that can longer be financed or creatively alleviated.

Starting in October, I will personally continue to curate two of our venues, Slinde & Nelson and Accanto Restaurant under the name Graeter Art Rep. Portland City Art [.org] will officially be dissolved, and we will halt production of all events and art shows at our other venues. Please contact me at: j.graeter@gmail.com, if you have questions concerning any of the above.

I’d like to personally thank the hard work of our staff, our generous volunteers, our art patrons and supporters and especially my good friend, business partner and original founder of Portland City Art [.org], Chris Haberman. Last but certainly not least, I would like to once more thank the continued support of our tremendous local artists, to each of who has been an honor to work with, and to each who comprise the essence of Portland City Art [.org]’s vibrant mission. It has been an honor to work with you all, and I look forward to supporting your work for years to come.

Sincerely,

John Graeter

Creative Director, Co-founder

Portland City Art [.org]

Matthew Haggett has MUTANT BABIES!

OFFICIAL REPORT — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:35:21 +0000

Local Portland artist Matthew Haggett… or is it Haggerty?… What was I saying? Oh right, Matthew Haggett has mutant babies! His mutant children were found nestled together with their siblings in a box found on the corner of North Williams and Prescott street in NE Portland.

Witnesses found the box early Sunday morning covered tightly with a thick wool blanket. One witness heard yelping and tiny voices pleading for help and as they lifted the blanket they were astonished with what they found.

Local authorities were called to the scene after several 911 phone calls regarding abandoned children. At first nobody had any idea where the freak babies came from, but according to experts, evidence suggested that their beards were very recently manicured. “Haggerty, famous for his obsessive compulsive meticulous beard trimming, not to mention his romantic flings with non-humans, is the obvious suspect. Once we were able to get a match on his DNA and some fibers left in the babies’ beards, we had our man.”

Haggett was unavailable for comment, but if we could ask him one question it would be this: Matthew, why didn’t you just leave them at a hospital or fire station??? Perhaps we will never know.

Jason Brown’s Emergency Facial Hair Removal Procedure

primary-source — Sun, 02 May 2010 17:03:50 +0000

Goodfoot Bar in Turmoil!!!

Sources have confirmed that Jason Brown (Goodfoot bar operator, music and art venue coordinator) is set to receive emergency hair removal treatment at Legacy Emanuel Hospital in NE Portland this weekend for an ongoing problem he has had with tremendous uncontrollable facial hair growth.

According to friends and family Jason has been battling with this issue for several years now. Recently he sought treatment in North Korea with Doctor Hoo Long Wie where he was the subject of a new experimental ointment that was supposed to have reduced his hair length by almost half. Instead, the not yet tested on humans ointment increased his beard length and turned the hair a deep red while also stimulating hair to grow out of every pore on his face.

Reporters caught up with Jason as he left the Legacy Health Center for his first exam and he had this to say.

“ARRAGHHH HUMMM HUMM SHHSHHHH HUMMM SHH HUMMM BEEERGGHHHHHH HHUMMM SHHH!”

What exactly he wanted to get out is not yet known, but we expect to hear from him again as doctors at Legacy have promised a full recovery with a clean bill of health. Portland artists, friends, and family are keeping Jason in their prayers tonight as they all look forward to a new and more formidable man / curator after the surgery.

John Graeter: Terrifying Photos Reveal Native Portland Legend Behind Art Scene Conspiracy

primary-source — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:00:07 +0000

Portland Artists are in an UPROAR after a late night photographic unveiling of local artist John Graeter, aka the Man of Many Faces, and his alternate personas.

Several witnesses and Portland city officials were shocked when creative director for the well respected nonprofit organization Portland City Art (.org) was photographed in public with his alleged twin brother Twinky Simmins Graeter, a known fugitive and Anarchist of the Arts. Though John has been suspected for remaining in close contact with Twinky over the last few years no one in the art community has had solid evidence that the two were in cahoots until now.

What does this mean for Portland City Art, and the artists that it represents? The community website and resource arena was established to connect local creatives with arenas and audiences for their work in several venues within the Portland area, and the news that the newly christened figurehead is conspiring with Dirt Wing Extremists to undermine the efforts of his organization, and in fact, disconnect creatives and their audiences, has many reeling in disbelief.

Chris Haberman, former creative director and founder of Portland City Art (.org), was not available for questioning, but his sudden separation from the very organization he started has sparked rumors for weeks. When confronted with photographs and other proof of this deep rooted conspiracy, which may or may not extend all the way to City Hall, Portland City Art (.org) affiliated venues and their owners are beginning to question whether water is, in fact, wet. Artists stood by John, dismissing Chris Haberman’s choice to move on from the nonprofit as a personal one involving dysfunctional eating habits and questionable family distractions. According to local sources Chris was literally eating himself out of house and home, and food stamps, a steady welfare check, and a ring of midget “milk feeders”, was not enough to sustain his lifestyle, and well, it was time for this non-profiteer to focus on making some real money. Some “boo coo bucks”.

Charlie Alan Kraft, a once binding thread in the fabric of the Portland art scene, had this to say: “Man, I think I need a bra. These beers are weighing me down topside.”

John Graeter, a long time supporter of the arts and painter himself, was well known for cracking jokes after a few martinis about his uncanny resemblance to his brother while stroking his beard singing “I’m gonna grow this bitch ass hair, I’m gonna grow it, Boom! Boom! Boom! Curly, curly, cocoa mon.” John’s art touched many people here in Portland as well as….? Well, here in Portland, for sure. The Rose City’s art scene is literally torn in half today with one side mourning their betrayal at the hands of our city’s greatest scribbler (John Graeter likes to scribble), while another half clenches their ass cheeks in rage over the deceit and lies spread through this wonderful community. How that tears them in half, this writer has no idea. It actually sounds like they are on the same page, but that’s Portland for you.

Questions do remain, however, will Graeter continue to pursue art here in Portland? Will Twinky Graeter disappear again leaving us all in fear for our lives? Will John end his charade of lies and hang up his secret identities? With all the secrets out, his “twin brother” Twinky, his well groomed man of daylight disguise Ships Donavon (who was recently found prowling local middle schools enlisting children for his art in residence programs), the entire cast of characters that can all be traced back to one megalomaniac man in the moon mirror, John Graeter, what will come of the artists that rely on his organization for strategic wall placement? Only time will tell. As more details come in, we here at Portland City Art (.com) are committed to bringing you the latest, the Graetest, and all the news in between. At least until the cease and desist letters from the Mayor’s bloodhounds actually hold up in court, or Chris Haberman finds a hitman in our fair city willing to work for Cheese Puffs to take us down. Until then, fair citizens, rest easy and keep your eye out for creepy bearded guys with glasses made to see right through you. It just might be John Graeter, aka The Real Life Riddler.

Blockbuster Artist Trade Finalized! Elliott Sends Kraft to Haberman in Exchange for a Sincere Compliment

OFFICIAL REPORT — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:58:45 +0000

The Portland art scene was rudely awakened from a Pabst Blue Ribbon induced slumber early this morning by a shocking development that has insiders scratching their heads in disbelief: Steve Elliott has traded Charlie Alan Kraft to Chris Haberman in exchange for one sincere compliment. The Bad News Bears are no more.

Inspired by the recent Philadelphia Eagles trade of superstar quarterback Donovan McNabb to the Washington Redskins for a draft pick, Elliott felt it was time for a change as well.

“That Eagles trade was like the writing on the wall for me. If they can send a guy who is arguably 100% responsible for their long run of success to a hated, bitter rival, well, why not send Charlie over to Chris? I wouldn’t say he has been a good friend, or even that he will be missed, but he has been a great guy to brainstorm with, bounce ideas off of…

“Nah, really we just hung around on barstools burning through our unemployment checks together. He’s played a huge part in the non-success of Portland City Art (.com), and it won’t be the same without him, for sure. No matter how bad you fuck things up, you can’t help but feel good about yourself when he’s around. Still, though, as the Eagles demonstrated, sometimes you just have to shake things up and start over. I think he will do more harm than good for Haberman, in the long run, and by the end of the year I think you will see that it was a pretty smart fuckin’ move. Who else can say they’ve received a sincere compliment from Habe?”

Charlie Alan Kraft, a founding member of Portland City Art (.com), issued the following statement:

“You know, Steve is a smart guy and everything, and he bought me a lot of beers in the past few years, but I gotta admit, I’m looking forward to getting out of this whole false negativity thing, and getting back to Haberman’s brand of false positivity. I mean, it’s all bullshit right? Might as well make it sound good. Not to mention, there is always plenty of food to go around with Chris. The only time Steve ever fed me, I was sick with food poisoning for a week.”

Chris Haberman, founder of Portland City Art (.org), was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing, but a key insider from Team Haberman (who asked to remain anonymous) filled us in on the biggest mystery of all: What was the compliment that Elliott received in exchange for Kraft?

“Chris told Steve straight up that he really liked the way he wore slacks. There was direct eye contact, it was for real.”

So how will this trade shape the Portland art scene in the coming months? Will Haberman and Kraft be able to put the last few years of venomous animosity behind them and break bean burritos together? Will Elliott be able to find a new conspirator crazy enough to help him realize his plans of working without doing any work, and/or pissing everyone off? Only time will tell, but for now, keep your browser tuned to Portland City Art (.com) for all the latest, greatest, and most heinous happenings in the world of Portland art.

Portland City Art: Toilet Violations !!!

Disgruntled Toilet — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:22:41 +0000

Toilets are a carefree bunch, most of the time. This one used to belong to Charlie Alan Kraft, and some other really fat guys who are not quite as fat as him. These dudes did some serious crapping on DT, which caused it to develop a very negative attitude towards people crapping on things.

The people, and entities which compromise PCA, the supposed non-profit linked to numerous sex scandals and video-tape-hijacking, have been drizzling hot steamy shit down my porcelain mouth for long enough. I’m not willing to sit through even one more second of the barrel-waisted tyrants of Portland City Art squatting down over me popping shit flavored candy corn and telling me that it’s better for my teeth that way (cause I won’t want to eat the candy if it tastes like shit).

Knuckle-fucks.

That’s what they are. Hairy knuckle-fucks. Never had to support such sheer weight from creamy, sweaty man-thighs before, and if you turn your back for one secone, guess what? Let’s just say that your plumbing gets a case of “illegal entry”. Shot out to Crispy Butt for having sweaty enough boobs to make the whole thing go down with plenty of lube. Double shot out to Jonny G-G-Time Je-Yell-Ell-oh (jon graeter) for having a tiny penis thing that doesn’t hurt much when it goes in. Fluffy. Still…

STOP PUTTING THINGS INSIDE ME!

Seriously, people, when nobody is not around, these guys are inside me, constantly, touching each other, touching me on the inside. No gloves. Filthy, putrid. Thank god my bowl is painted white so you don’t see the jizz so much.

Disgruntled
Toilet

I Wear My Sunglasses All the Fuckin’ Time $1,000,000,000,000 Bankroll Sucka!

morganstone — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:16:32 +0000

Morgan Stone is a Hollywood producer, and he doesn't really give a shit about your stupid art cause he has things to shoot and hookers to bang.

I wear my sunglasses whenever the fuck I want, know why? Cause I’m a big deal. There might be an avalanche at any second, and my eyes will not be blinded because of that. If something happened to my eyes, since I’m a big deal, there would be a big problem. I wouldn’t be able to see talent anymore. My eyes are experts at detecting talent and genius, and that’s why I’m a big time producer. You’ve seen my shows on TV, trust me. If you have a pulse. No pun intended. Speaking of pulse, my finger is on it. I am between shoots, and I owe Art Jeanyus several million dollars for his spot-on advice about stocks. He said to pay off the interest I could write a column for his publication. My thoughts are that important. My eyes are that good.

For my column, I will, while wearing sunglasses, type in “Portland artist” into Bing (because I am a Microsoft stockholder, aka, big time) and let you know the results. I don’t expect to see much, I mean, what is Portland? A city or a small town? Is it on a map, could you show me? Wow. Thank you Bing. There is totally a map.

Tom Repasky (portlandoregonartist.com)
Good luck with the job search, Tom. Really, and I mean the best of luck.
Anne John (annejohn.com)
Bird painting meets penis painting, and done very skillfully. Hey, Anne, obviously you could use a little more penis with your bird, if you know what I mean, and I wish I could help with that but unfortunately I am married to my career.
Jenna Schneider (jennamakeupartist.com)
She’s a make-up artist. In other words, I have probably banged her, and if she had any talent, I would remember her, which I don’t.
Jessica Belknap (jessicabelknap.com)
Another make-up artist, you can see why I’ve banged so many. The competition is heavy, being a producer… You get what I’m saying. Jessica, sorry don’t remember you either. Which direction is Portland, anyways? I had no idea it was so heavy with make-up artists. Man, I could be getting laid right now in Portland, what’s the ratio of TV producer to make-up artist in Portland anyways?
Laura Russo Gallery (laurarusso.com)
I wanna sex you up, tick tock, ya don’t stop. This is a gallery, not an artist. Foiled again.

So far the first five people I can find on Bing under “portland artist”, contain two artists, two make-up artists (aka skeeze), and a gallery. Hmm.

Anne John is the winner on all counts. Whatever the Laura Russo Gallery is displaying on my screen right now, well, it’s making me want to go down there just to spit on the damn thing. Horrible. Who the hell is Jack Portland? Is that like your version of Hollywood Hogan? The Ultimate Warrior paints with knives, by the way. That’s your last hint, my show, it stars a wrestler. You’ve totally seen it. I’ll tell you next time.

Man About Town: Alberta Street Controversy

Tan Peluski — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:36:01 +0000

Dottie Barksdale has been keeping parking spots safe and generating revenue for the city since 1972.

Good riddance, and a big thank you to Tan Peluski for letting me write his column. He has been ill, but sends his best. Important things await me this evening. Dinner with Vera Katz followed by a waxing and if we’re lucky a little horseback. Ha, I just realized that later tonight I’m going to be “Running down a dream” literally! Sex on the Titties.

Anyhow, for those of you who are not familiar with my public record, I am Dottie Barksdale, and here is a timeline of events which are all important to note when addressing the controversy surrounding Last Thursday on Alberta Street.

01/01/2010
I was appointed Director of the grassroots organization
Alberta Street Residents Against Last Thursday (ASRALT)
whose mission statement is the same as its’ name.
01/02/2010
I addressed representatives of ASRALT and announced
my choice of focus for the organization: parking meters.
01/05/2010
I caught a lucky break on craigslist.
A gentleman by the name of Mr. Spice was selling
a truck full of parking meters at a flat cost of $5000.
With money from petty cash, I drove to meet
Mr. Spice and traded the cash for keys to the truck.
01/07/2010
Me and a bunch of volunteers from ASRALT went around putting
the parking meters up on Alberta Street. Since we’re not an official organization,
or representatives of the government, we were able to do so with no signage.
01/07/2010
I gave out my first parking ticket to a smelly guy playing a guitar.
I explained to him that if he wanted to park himself or anything else
on my Alberta Street, he was going to have to keep feeding the nearest meter.
He acted like this was an outrage, and the crowd started to get behind him,
but then I pointed out all the change in his guitar case. What a selfish prick.
01/28/2010
Last Thursday. Most people had accepted the meters by now,
but there was still a little grumbling about it. Especially in the “arts community”.
Anyone that found themselves on Alberta Street quickly found out how things worked.
You either keep moving, or you pay the nearest meter to park. Anybody that didn’t
pay to park got a ticket. Sure people were pissed off at first, but once they realized that
the tickets were not real, most were so grateful to have dodged a parking ticket,
they gladly started feeding the meters. Money was beginning to flow.
01/29/2010
The next day we unloaded the parking meters.
I personally counted every nickel: $807,000 and change !!!
We couriered a check to the Mayor, a donation to the city,
along with a note about how much we would appreciate
an end to Last Thursdays on Alberta.

Artists, art lovers, and art community supporters, give me your ears. Last Thursdays on Alberta Street are over. You’re welcome to show up and keep feeding my meters, but there will be no more public displays of affection. There will be no more public displays of intoxication. There will be no more public displays of people being weird. Nobody likes weird, not even in Portland. So just stop it already. I suggest you move it along to the Up-and-Coming Gallery, where up-and-coming artists can display their work if they are skillful enough to beat Up and Coming owner at Asteroids. That would seem to be a better use of your quarters, but like I said, if you want to give them to me I will offer no complaint. I will give them to the Mayor, he will give them to the city, and the city will give them back to you in the form of police protection making sure that weirdness never shows its face again on Alberta Street. In other words, making it a better place.

Artists, art lovers, and art community supporters (i.e. white people with college degrees and no money) the city is grateful to you for doing your part in chasing off the people who were there before, but it is now time for you to get with the program. You are beginning to be a headache, even to teenagers. You are the broom, and you did a good job sweeping, but now it is time for tax-paying citizens like myself to enjoy the clean, swept floor. So off you go, I hear your services would be appreciated in Gresham, and perhaps further out in the other directions as well. Like my boyhood crush, Tom Petty, would say: “Don’t come around here no more.”

~ Dottie Barksdale

THIS JUST IN! with Salvia Darling

Salvia Darling — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:31:05 +0000

Salvia Darling is a 70's news anchor turned heart-throb turned investigative reporter turned... Well, let's just say that now his job is to bring you the late breaking stories in the world of art in Portland.

THIS JUST IN! Portland curators have plenty of art to choose from. In the wake of our great nation’s economic [censored by Salvia], more and more people have turned to their creative talents (or lack-there-of) looking to make a buck. The market in Portland has become so [censored by Salvia] with artists and their wares, [censored by Salvia] such as Ben Pink have turned to unconventional methods to select their [censored by Salvia] artists. An anonymous curator had this to say: “I tend to make my decision based on how well I know the artist in question. If I never met them, that’s a definite no. If we are good friends, that’s a definite maybe. Anyone in between, well, that just has to do with how well they [censored by Salvia].” Then he rode off into the sunset wearing his pink unitard on his pink unicycle.

THIS JUST IN! Rain in the forecast for Portland. Several [censored by Salvia] artists were caught unprepared for the unexpected change in weather over the weekend. Artist Jon Graeter was particularly pissed off after water fell onto the [censored by Salvia] that he was in the middle of stenciling a [censored by Salvia] pattern onto. No amount of [censored by Salvia] corrugated cardboard and shopping cart parts could [censored by Salvia] his [censored by Salvia] masterpiece. “My [censored by Salvia] are ruined! What is this, fucking Waterworld? Do I have gills?” Well, Jon, if track marks also allow you to breathe underwater, then yes, you have gills.

THIS JUST IN! Gay mayor is into decorative art. In a shocking development, [censored by Salvia] mayor Sam [censored by Salvia] has declared himself to be “a fan of art and artists, especially those that decorate”. He was even spotted during [censored by Salvia] period making out with a high school senior whose call to art is creating sculptures from orally polished doorknobs. Perhaps the most influential gay man of our time, [censored by Salvia], gave me his thoughts on this hot topic, and the [censored by Salvia] had this to say: “What a fucking pussy!”

THIS JUST IN! Charlie Alan Kraft took a shower. In preparation for the upcoming holidays, the Kraft family (which consists of [censored by Salvia], a dirty sock, and Mayor McCheese) has decided to finally let Portland artist Charlie Alan Kraft eat at the Big Kid’s Table (BKT). Kraft has been waiting on the BKT list for over 15 years now–since his 18th birthday–due to concerns about Charlie’s [censored by Salvia] hygiene habits. Last week, however, in a [censored by Salvia] haze, Charlie Alan Kraft [censored by Salvia] and fell into the shower, bumped his [censored by Salvia] on the water controls, and was [censored by Salvia] touched by water. A still unidentified [censored by Salvia] ran into the room and accosted him with soap and [censored by Salvia] before Kraft was able to regain his [censored by Salvia]. The dirty sock had this to say: “I think it’s great that he showered and everything, but as far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving is [censored by Salvia].”